Universal Life Church

The Extraterrestrial Is My Brother

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:17:00 +0000

Doctrinal flexebility has never come easily to the Catholic Church. Slow to sign on to the theory of heliocentrism and repeatedly suffering the embarrassment of finding themselves on the losing side of scientific debate, the Church has sought to learn from its mistakes, albeit...slowly.

Vatican chief astronomer Father José Gabriel Funes sounded the apologist in an interview with L'Osservatore Romano, the newsletter of the Vatican Observatory given last may. The interviewer asked the father whether the the possibility of extraterrestrial life could present a "...problem for our faith", to which Funes responded,

"As a multiplicity of creatures exist on earth, so there could be other beings, also intelligent, created by God. This does not contrast with our faith because we cannot put limits on the creative freedom of God."

When asked how theologians should handle the conflict between science and faith, Father Funes responded,

"The Church should not fear science and its discoveries."

but by the same token,

"...scientists should learn to correctly read the bible."

which, according to the father is:

"...a love letter that God wrote to his people, in a language that dates back two or three thousand years."

An amourous paean filled with famine, pestilence and genocide.

photo credit

WSJ Features ULC Monastery in Online Ordination Story

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:37:00 +0000

Reporter Jane Hodges penned an informative piece on online ordinations in today's Wall Street Journal. The Monastery figures prominently in her story given that its ordinations are free and it is one of the few churches able to provide letters of good standing to its ministers.

Photo: flickr

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 04:29:00 +0000

-philly.com

-Greater Philadelphia Coalition of Reason

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:29:00 +0000

With Summer just around the corner American families dust off their grills and gear up for camping trips. This season, some families are continuing the grand American tradition of the road trip. Except this time, their objective is not only to enjoy the natural splendor of national parks or pay the obligatory visit to kin.

American Family Outing, a project put together by a coalition of civil rights groups and community churches is sending families with same-sex parents or supportive straight couples to mega churches from Georgia to California between Mother's Day and Father's Day. AFO believes that "...these churches have the potential to be a positive force in ending the physical and spiritual violence perpetuated by some religious voices against LGBT people and their families."

Not all of the churches are sympathetic to AFO's cause. Bishop Eddie Long of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church believes that "...homosexuality is a manifestation of the fallen man" and Bishop Harry Jackson, Jr. of Hope Christian Church is a vocal opponent of gay rights. In spite of their differences, the two groups seek to develop a greater understanding between them and foster the goals and convictions they share.

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00111111 00001101 00001010

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 18:56:00 +0000

"COMPUTERIZED CONJUGAL BLISS: The Universal Life Church of Sunnyvale, California now boasts the world's first ordained computer . . . "Rev. Apple", named in honor of the electronics company that built it. So far, the terminal has married six couples, who punched in a "y" for "yes" when exchanging vows. The church is now planning to add a computerized "unwedding program" (or "digital divorce") to the services it offers."

Given the digital nature of their weddings, these intrepid couples should consider the legitimacy and legality of their marriages, unless the event was purely ceremonial. This is surely uncharted legal territory that has not withstood any legal test unlike weddings officiated by humanoid ULC ministers.

-Mother Earth News

Separation Anxiety

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Thu, 22 May 2008 17:20:00 +0000

Last Wednesday, the South Carolina House of Representatives passed a measure approving a controversial specialty license plate. The plate bears Christian symbols and the words "I Believe."

Bill sponsor Sen. Larry Grooms has authored and backed other legislation that seeks to allow displays of faith in public areas. Along with roughly 100 other specialty plates, mostly NASCAR themed, South Carolinians will be able to purchase a "Choose Life SC" plate.

Opposition to the license plate is building.

"People can express their views however they want, on a bumper sticker" said Ronald Lindsay, director of the First Amendment Task Force for the Council for Secular Humanism, a New York-based group. "Once you get into the license plate area, that's an official government document, or tag. There is simply no need for it."

Among the groups pledging to oppose the bill if it passes the senate is the American Jewish Congress whose general counsel, Marc Stern told the press,

"There must be something more important to deal with in South Carolina," Stern said. "The Legislature wants to be on record saying that they like Christians."

HT: The Post and Courier

"The Doctor and the Shiksa"

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Fri, 02 May 2008 04:56:00 +0000

Thanks Uncle Mich!

All Religions Are Fairy Tales...

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:14:00 +0000

...or so said a billboard in Orange County, Florida. MediaNet, the company that leases the billboard for $1400 per month, claimed ignorance saying that the sign was put up illegally at night without their knowledge. That's a hard sell considering the sign's six-week run starting the week before Easter and ending April 25.

According to a local TV station, restaurants in the sign's shadow reported a decline in business over the same period, attributing their losses to the controversial billboard. Some locals even thought nearby business had a hand in the sign.

Above the pavement, vehicles and pedestrian traffic this sign boldly delivered its message for over a month. It might have caused some to question their faith and actually examine their beliefs. Others, feeling persecuted, may have been fortified in their godly convictions.

Harvard professor Steven Pinker writes "...there has been an inexorable trend: The deeper we probe these questions, and the more we learn about the world in which we live, the less reason there is to believe in God." We still do not know what motivated the provocateur behind the billboard but in light of the 'trend' to which Pinker refers, it doesn't seem out of place.

ULC Minister Kathy Griffin Weds Couple

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:25:00 +0000

In a decidedly unconventional ceremony, actor and comedian Kathy Griffin used her recent ordination through the ULC Monastery to officiate the marriage between her friends Brian Anstey and Elka Shapiro.

The Houston Chronicle has the story here.

Griffin, an infamous provocateur, often finds herself the target of protests by conservative religious groups for her jokes about Jesus.

Griffin was able to perform in her function as minister in New York in spite of the city's cumbersome registration process, thanks to paperwork provided by the ULC.

The ceremony was a light-hearted affair. At one point the bride was asked to recite the reception menu. The wedding was filmed and will appear in a forthcoming episode of Griffin's reality show, "My Life on the D-List".

"I might be hurting the cause I was trying to help."

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 23:46:00 +0000

The Enquirer ran the story:

Sam Lapin, who teaches communications mostly at the university's Grant County campus and says he is a minister through the Internet-based Universal Life Church, withdrew from the Feb. 19 event at NKU organized by Common Ground, a group for gay and lesbian students.

Lapin might have been breaking the law if he had performed a ceremony labeled "official" by the Common Ground invitation. Kentucky voters approved a constitutional amendment in 2004 banning same-sex marriages, and state law says that any minister who performs an official wedding knowing that it would not be recognized could be charged with a misdemeanor.

The irony is quite saddening: that a well-meaning minister could damage his or her cause by performing the act they are fighting for.

Make February 29 a Holiday

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 23:49:00 +0000

The buzz seems to be gaining some steam. Wags on Reddit have been hashing it out since this morning.

In the English folk tradition, Leap Day was the only day when it was acceptable for women to propose to men.

Happy February 29!

Press Release: ACLU Files Civil Action to Defend ULC Marriages in PA

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 17:50:00 +0000

The ACLU filed three civil actions in Philadelphia County Court today on behalf of three couples whose marriages are jeopardized by a separate ruling in York County, PA last September.

The saga began last September after Universal Life Church minister Adam Johnston's ordination was declared invalid by Judge Maria Musti Cook. Johnston contacted the ULC who enlisted the support of the ACLU of PA and responded to Judge Cook's unconstitutional ruling with a press release. In addition to assisting the ACLU in research and putting them in contact with its ministers, the ULC retained the counsel of Davis Wright Tremaine to explore its own options and legal recourse for their PA ministers.

The actions filed by the ACLU and the law firm of Drinker Biddle & Reath on behalf of three couples, two married by Universal Life Church ministers and one by a Jesuit priest, seek to declare "...that their marriage is valid under the laws of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania", effectively overturning Judge Cook's ruling.

“What we want is to fix a problem that never should have existed in the first place,” said Mary Catherine Roper, staff attorney with the ACLU of Pennsylvania. “The state has no business invalidating marriages just because it doesn’t like the kind of minister who officiated them.”

Chaplain Freeman at the Universal Life Church Monastery stated that "...any decision affecting a minister's right to perform marriage rituals, as well as funerals and baptisms would be in violation of existing case law established under the only Federal decision to date in Universal Life Church v. The State of Utah."

The Martyrdom of St. Rowan

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 22:17:00 +0000

Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury has been taking heat lately for comments he made recommending that parts of Sharia law be incorporated into the British legal system. Martin Rowson editorializes above.

Hitchens was not sparing in his derision of the Archbishop, writing:

"...just look at how casually this sheep-faced English cleric throws away the work of centuries of civilization."

While we here at the Universal Life Church respect each religion and strongly advocate freedom of practice, we are equally strongly opposed to religions meddling with the state and vice-versa. The domestic abuse and misogyny that Sharia sanctions and codifies aside, there are so many different interpretations and implementing one strain would disenfranchise Muslims from different sects, not to mention secularists and other non-Muslims.

Anonymous Protests Scientology

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 22:29:00 +0000

Sunday, February 10 was an international day of protest against the Church of Scientology organized by a group calling itself Anonymous. Anonymous staged protests in major cities around the world to draw attention to what members describe as suppression of free speech and religious profiteering by the Church of Scientology.

The most recent furor began several weeks ago after Gawker posted a leaked video of an interview with Tom Cruise where the actor extols the virtues of his kooky cult with maniacal intensity. Youtube withdrew the video purportedly due to pressure and threat of litigation.

Enter Anonymous, an-you guessed it-anonymous group of tech-savvy activists who seek to undermine the Church of Scientology through subversive means by way of the internet. The group takes its ethos from the movie V For Vendetta and its masked, anti-establishment hero. In addition to its visible protests, the group has mounted denial of service attacks against the CoS, successfully shutting down their site on a number of occasions.

Your correspondent took the weekend off from the ULC and happened to be driving by Seattle's Scientology HQ and observe about fifty people dressed mostly in black and wearing Guy Fawkes masks while shouting and holding signs. King 5 has the story here.

Huckabee's Flagpole Proctitis

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 23:02:00 +0000

The debate over the Confederate flag, that reviled symbol of slavery, lynching and everything else wrong with Dixie reared its ugly head again last week. Some Southern states still have the gall to fly the Stars and Bars over their State Houses and one of those is South Carolina where Republican presidential candidates were campaigning last week.

John McCain, pledging to honor principle over politics, stated that the flag had no place flying over the State House in Columbia. His main competitor, Baptist minister Mike Huckabee pandered to the bigot vote stating "...[i]n fact, if somebody came to Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we'd tell 'em what to do with the pole, that's what we'd do," This is a shameful position for anyone claiming to follow the teachings of the Christian Bible.

In September 2000, the Aryan Nation of Hayden Lake, ID was forced to pay damages of $6.3 million to a mother and son who were attacked by members of the hate group. Lacking the liquidity, the Aryan Nation was forced to hand over all of its property, both physical and intellectual. This included many writings an publications. The plaintiffs gained exclusive rights to the group's hate literature and memorabilia, ending their publishing and sale.

We propose a similar course of action to end the flag's proliferation. Black groups should collectively sue for ownership of the Confederate flag, thereby preventing the use or sale of it's image without their explicit permission. Ownership of the flag is clear and it should be argued that, being the property of the Confederate States of America who sanctioned the systematic rape and lynching of thousands of black folk in the South and cost the United States more blood than any war in its history, Blacks should be able to take control of all the properties and "war relics" of the Confederacy.

Gem Giant Gouged

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 23:02:00 +0000

If you bought a DeBeers diamond for yourself, your mother, or your sweetheart between 1994 and last year, there might be a sizable chunk of cash with your name on it waiting in a lawyer's escrow account.

DeBeers has settled a class action lawsuit, agreeing to pay $295 million to people who purchased their stones between January 1994 and March 2006.
DeBeers sells roughly half the rough diamonds in the world and enjoys ample pricing power as a result. Claimants who apply before May 19 here can receive a refund of up to 30% of their purchase.

If you were married...and then separated some time over the last twelve years and all the money you spent on the wedding ceremony, the gowns, the minister, and of course the rock, a pay out from DeBeers may give you some consolation.

Colorado Church Shooter

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 22:10:00 +0000

Matthey Murray, the troubled teen who took his own life after fatally shooting members of Ted Haggard's New Life Church and one victim at the affiliated Youth With a Mission missionary training facility, reportedly outed himself to his mother.

According to the blog, Butterscotch:

Last summer, he wrote, "People like us are going to go to hell, according to Christians." He lists several reasons why. Reason number seven is bluntly stated, "I'm bisexual." In other postings, Murray wrote, "... I can never get a female date. I am at least able to get some male action."

Murray wrote that he told her, "Using drugs, alcohol and having gay sex, I'm just trying to do what any Christian pastor would do. At least I'm not doing meth like Ted Haggard."

Oral Roberts University Receives Huge Cash Infusion

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 21:09:00 +0000

It looks like ORU is headed back into the black after a retail tycoon has pledged to stop up ORU's leaky hull with wads of cash. $70 million to be precise.

Our previous posts here and here tell the sordid story of a scandal that greatly damaged the pious image the evangelical university seeks to uphold.

Donor Mart Green's donation comes with strings. After an initial donation of $8 million, he will appoint two members to sit on ORU's board of regents. Disbursement of the remaining $62 is contingent on a thorough review of the University's finances.

AP

Revelatory Ridiculous

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 21:51:00 +0000

Consider this: The doctrine of the Mormon Church consists of revelations given first to its founder Joseph Smith, and after his death the gift of these divine revelations was passed on to church elders that succeeded him.

Late in the 19th Century, the Mormon rulers of Utah, having to make the choice between polygamy and statehood, received yet another "revelation" from god enjoining them from taking plural wives, thus clearing the way for statehood.

In 1978, several years after the Civil Rights Act was passed, the Mormons still held that people of dark complexion were cursed, barred from even the lowest tier of church leadership, and inferior to the light haired and skinned inhabitants of the Great Basin. That same year, Church elders received another "revelation" that put blacks on equal footing.

It then comes as no surprise that another scion of the dynastic leadership of the Church of Jesus Christ and the Latter Day Saints, Mitt Romney, sees no irony in the fact that only three years ago, his views on reproductive rights took a u-turn. A revelation...maybe?

And should he be faced with the question, "boxer's or briefs" will he ask for a third category?

Note: Your correspondent apologizes for the lull in blog posts. He was on hiatus, reveling in the stunning natural beauty of the great state of Oregon.

Coin! Toss Judge

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 06:51:00 +0000

The Sullivaine money shot:

"The woman dropped her pants once to display the wound, then dropped them a second time after Shull left the bench for a closer look to determine whether the woman had received stitches."

Racy stuff for a courtroom in Virginia.

-Yahoo News/AP

Miniver Cheevy

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 17:39:00 +0000

Miniver Cheevy, child of scorn,
Grew lean while he assailed the seasons
He wept that he was ever born,
And he had reasons.

Miniver loved the days of old
When swords were bright and steeds were prancing;
The vision of a warrior bold
Would send him dancing.

Miniver sighed for what was not,
And dreamed, and rested from his labors;
He dreamed of Thebes and Camelot,
And Priam's neighbors.

Miniver mourned the ripe renown
That made so many a name so fragrant;
He mourned Romance, now on the town,
And Art, a vagrant.

Miniver loved the Medici,
Albeit he had never seen one;
He would have sinned incessantly
Could he have been one.

Miniver cursed the commonplace
And eyed a khaki suit with loathing:
He missed the medieval grace
Of iron clothing.

Miniver scorned the gold he sought,
But sore annoyed was he without it;
Miniver thought, and thought, and thought,
And thought about it.

Miniver Cheevy, born too late,
Scratched his head and kept on thinking;
Miniver coughed, and called it fate,
And kept on drinking.

-Edward Arlington Robinson

Mexican Archdiocese Condemns Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:41:00 +0000

Finding itself yet again on the losing end of a popularity contest with young people, The Catholic Church's Mexican Archdiocese has condemned Halloween. Claiming "[t]hose who celebrate Halloween are worshiping a culture of death that is the product of a mix of pagan customs", the Church appears mind-numbingly oblivious to one of the most prominent Mexican holidays, the Day of the Dead.

The Mexican Archdiocese instructs its flock to "replace trick-or-treating with costume parties in which children dress up as a character from the Bible, and are given a bag of candy...to give away one piece to each of their friends with the words 'God loves you.'"

While we're on the subject of Pagan customs, lets not forget Christmas, a co opted version of Saturnalia, the Roman festival in which gifts were exchanged and candles were lit in honor of the god Saturn. Easter supplanted the a spring fertility festival named after the pagan goddess "Eostre".

ULC Minister Fights Back, PA Legislator Cavils

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:37:00 +0000

Lancaster County legislator Katie True is running scared. In a cordial but direct letter to her legislator, a constituent ULC minister challenged Ms. True on her support of PA House Bill 1099. The ULC minister wrote:
"PA House Bill 1099 is in direct conflict with the Constitution of the United States of America."

and later...

"There is no human being in the universe that can know the will of God and which religion is right or wrong. Do not presume that you can or do know God’s will."

further...

"The very idea of entertaining this bill at all places you at great
risk, as it would clearly cause you to violate your Oath of Office to
protect and uphold the Constitution of the United States of America."

"This violation, by definition, is an act of treason. With that fact in
mind, know that engaging in this disgusting perversion of the law puts you at personal and professional risk."

This part of the letter seems to have struck a nerve with Ms. True and instead of explaining her position, maybe for lack of a cogent argument, she cowardly replied:

"I find your...email threatening and have forwarded it to Pennsylvania's Attorney General's office."

The ULC minister ended her letter with the following powerful question and declaration.

"Which religion would the Officers of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania have me follow? The Roman Catholic Church, who harbors and protects rampant pedophilia? The Muslim Faith, where men, women and children are used as human bombs? I choose the Universal Life Church."

What is implied in the letter is that Ms. True's own actions are putting her at "personal and professional risk". The ULC minister enumerated this in her letter, explaining that The Constitution enjoins law makers and judges from abrogating the constitutional rights of the individual and that individual in turn has legal recourse to pursue damages against those who seek to deny them.

The Vatican Gay List

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 19:38:00 +0000

Father Tommaso Stenico was suspended from his position as head of the Congregation for the Clergy, the Vatican bureaucracy responsible for its priesthood, after an Italian TV station aired footage of him making advances on a young man. The meeting had been arranged over the internet where Fr. Stenico was invited to engage in sado-masochistic sex play and it was arranged that they meet in St. Peter's Square.

This is where the story gets even stranger. Fr. Stenico defended his actions by claiming that the meeting was part of his research into "...a diabolic plan by satanist groups who take aim at priests."

The Guardian quoted him as saying he "...wanted to carry out a study, probably for publication". He said he was a registered psychologist and psychotherapist and his aim had been "to study how priests are ensnared".

Now facing trial before the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, (of Inquisition fame), Fr. Stenico has resorted to blackmail. He claimed today that he has "a detailed dossier" of all the homosexual clerics at Vatican "with a list of names and circumstances implicating a certain number of priests and even bishops working at the Curia."

It is time for the Holy See to acknowledge that years of repression and persecution of homosexuals has been futile. This revered institution that burned the printing press, labeled fundamental laws of nature "heresy", and collaborated with the Nazis should wake up to the fact that the Keys of Heaven were thrown down a well in the Judean hills about 2000 years ago. Homosexuality is not a choice. You are just born that way. The Monastery embraces all people, a model for other churches to follow. We are all children of the same Universe.

Your Thursday Villanelle

noreply@blogger.com (Br. Benedict) — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 18:27:00 +0000

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-- Elizabeth Bishop